Why don?t youtwo have a conversation. Tell her what we?re thinking. I don?t want toslip around on anyone.??Geez, you?re a good cop.??I was a Boy Scout, too.??Yeah? How are your knots???Tight. I tie them really tight.??Oooh, what a sweet-talker. Now go.?And he did.* * *Some things you know. Some you find out after the fact. And some youhave no idea of whatsoever.Brenda Malloy sat with Mistress at Starbucks for the second day in arow. They were a fascinating couple, the white lady and the black cop,whispering across the table. There is nothing wrong with two womenhaving a coffee, but there was an air of intimacy to the two.?Were you always gay?? my Mistress asked her.?When God created Eve, I was there waiting,? Malloy giggled. ?Girlswere just prettier than boys. They smelled better. They dressed nicer.I mean, have you seen guys with their pants down to their knees so youcan see their boxers? What is that shit???Well, Penny does that so you can see her panties.?Malloy laughed. ?You and. But I kept it hidden as best as I could.Then I became a Christian. This made my conflict even stronger, as I wasinducted into a conservative branch of the faith, and felt sure that myneed for the feminine was a sin. This lead to a cycle of "binging" -getting girl clothes and trying to be as female as I could, followed byguilt and "purging" where I would get rid of everything, only to start upagain a week later, or even sooner.Not only that, I suffered severalbreakdowns, and seriously considered suicide several times.Finally, I realized I was hurting those who loved me by not taking care ofmyself. I got counselling for the abuse, and have finally began theprocess of being my true self. Almost immediately upon making thatdecision, I started reaping positive results. My blood ?pressure, whichwas dangerously high, dropped back into normal range. I have been able tobreathe for what seems like the first time, and it feels even better thanI hoped it would.Not that the road ahead is easy. I.
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